Women Cigar Smokers

I’ve recently launched The Association for Women Cigar Smokers, a non-profit that I’ve been planning to start for a few years now. The response has been great, except for one message board that I found it posted on, where the conversation quickly turned into “Oh I thought this was porn. Why isn’t this porn?” and then continued on for pages. Yes, thank you for completely degrading a project meant to advance the presence of women cigar smokers into a conversation about how women smoking cigars should only be relative if it’s pornography.

This non-profit has already taught me an interesting lesson- it’s easier to get things done when you relinquish control and let others help you. I know, everyone knows that. In theory. But in practice? I have a bit of Founder’s Syndrome, where it’s hard for me to trust that things are being done the way I’d like unless I’m doing it myself. But since I have my hands full with Fumée, and also to lend credibility to this new, non-profit group, I am asking others in the industry to help. Right now I’m gathering candidates to serve on the board, something that means I could eventually lose control of this association, but also means that I don’t have to do everything myself. I am actually looking forward to seeing how this turns out. In the last week, I’ve found a female ally who has already gone out of her way to promote this site. Every minute she spends doing that, is one less minute that I have to. I am definitely enjoying that. I’ve also created some surveys for men and women cigar smokers in conjunction with a friend in the industry from CigarResearch.com. His assistance has also meant less leg work for me, as well as an accountability to get things done when I say I will. So far, sharing the burden and asking for allies has been a pleasant experience. I may lose my Founder’s Syndrome quick if this keeps up!

Of course, this launch still means lots of work for me, exacerbated by the fact that we’re at a turning point with Fumée. We have to make some hard decisions this month, since our search for a retail site has so far been fruitless (if you know of anyone who owns commercial property in Texas and wants a tenant, please send them my way!). If we don’t find something soon, we’re going to have to adjust our original version of the business and try to find some compromise that will still be profitable. I have some pots in the fire, but little hope that any of them will actually pan out. It’s actually been a great source of depression for me in the last few weeks. I find myself swung into despair for varying time periods of every day while I ponder our options and worry. I’m usually a very positive and optimistic person, but these soul-crushing rejections from landlords has been quite discouraging for me. I can’t seem to stop getting my hopes up with each new space I find, only to have them completely dashed within weeks. It’s particularly hard, because no matter how long I stick with it, or what creative solutions I offer a landlord, I feel like I am bashing my shoulder up against a steel wall, trying to break it down. I can’t make people do what I want, I can’t force someone to rent to me, I can’t charm or beguile my way in, or dazzle them with my vision, so I feel particularly helpless here. It’s all a matter of luck and I have come across none. It’s one thing to persevere, and quite another to keep trying to something that may actually be impossible.

These next few weeks are pretty crucial for us. I expect a lot more stress, tears and frustrations. I expect that I will feel pretty miserable. Worse, I’m planning to go on the Quantum-Wellness 21-day cleanse on Monday, so the lack of booze, gluten, sugar and caffeine will probably only make me feel worse. I will how ever make one exception: if a retail space comes through for us in the next 21 days, I will drink a bottle of champagne all by myself to celebrate. 21 days, three weeks to discover the fate of my business. Gulp.